Sometimes living with a disability is so frustrating one doesn't know where to start, literally. This past November I was given a name for a learning disability that I have struggled with my whole life. This diagnosis was especially hard to take in since it was being linked back to lack of oxygen during my traumatic birth experience that also caused my right arm to be trapped leading to a deformation of my right forearm and hand.
Last winter I was diagnosed with: Phonological processing problems- hearing and connecting sounds to shapes or symbols i.e. letters or notes; processing speed problems- I think slowly when learning; and Executive Functioning Problems- I don't have all the symptoms of the full disorder but I'll call it EFD anyway for short. All these things are grouped together under a title called Learning Disability: NOS. Basically meaning that I have serious trouble with these functions of the brain but not to the extent that they would give me the full disorder diagnosis.
The first two issues seldom affect my everyday life outside of a classroom but EFD can affect me every day in many ways. EFD can be tricky to explain so I would rather let the professionals explain the official definition but let's just say that it's the gate keeper for any and all information in your brain. My understanding is it is the part of the brain that tells new stimulus where to be organized, cataloged or filed. It is also the part of the brain that tells you where to go to find the information you stored and gets you started on using that information to complete activities and tasks, daily or academic. When this part doesn't work properly then learning new things or even adding new information to what you already know can be challenging. And if there isn't a clear direct connection to what you already know then it is nearly impossible to figure it out so nothing gets filed therefore nothing can be recalled.
I think of it like this. When a small child sees a black dog their parent says, "Doggie, woof." The parent says the same thing with a brown dog. This is what psychologists call Schemas. They are the organizational method children, and adults, use to categorize things in their minds so they can start to make sense of the world around them. When the child then sees a field of brown and black cows they may say that same phrase back to their parent. The parent corrects them and says, “No. Cows, moo.” The schema has been altered to fit the new information. Black and brown doesn’t make just dogs, cows can be that too. The more stimuli that goes in the more schemas are made. The schemas, or organized groupings, art to take on a structure and as children grow this structure expands. Sometimes these things are taught to children directly. Sometimes they are observed by the child then copied or organized without cognitive thought.
One problem with EFD, my problem, is that this structure has holes in it and so things get miss organized or misfiled. This makes planning things a slow pain staking process and any kind of learning becomes hard if information cannot be connected to what is already known. Take this lack of mental organization along with the slow processing speed and this can take a very long time. Think of things like making a weekly menu, grocery lists, planning your errands and trying to save gas by not driving all over town, or even planning a budget then keeping it. All these tasks require executive function to happen. All this takes mental energy and time.
I can do these things but what I do is go through every detailed step. Those “obvious” steps are not obvious to me. Remember how a child can learn things through direct instruction as well as through observation. I can do that but since I can’t see all the steps in my head to “fill in” I can’t start or complete the task without slowing down and touching on very step.
For example, take the task of brushing and flossing your teeth. Most children are shown how to brush and floss and would observe the details of how. Most would instinctively pay attention to how it felt as an adult brushed their teeth. As they grew they would not think that they had learned how to brush and floss their teeth they would just ‘know’ how to. Someone with EFD would not necessarily know to look for any of those details, or steps, so when it was time to take over doing it they would not know how to, so through frustration, would give up or inadequately complete the task.
A person with EFD would need to be told to pay attention to how the parent was doing it. Asking questions like, “Do you feel that? That’s what clean feels like.” They would also learn things in smaller bite-sized steps. So learning to brush and floss would look like this. “Get out the toothbrush and toothpaste. Put a pea sized drop of paste on top of the toothbrush. If you like, gently splash water on the brush to wet it…” Then you would go into detail of how to brush, the angle of the brush and how it should feel while and after brushing. Then repeat the many steps for flossing.
Do you see how much detail can be missed for someone with EFD? If this is not explained in an outside voice this is the long process one must often go through to learn each step to complete a task. Since the detail is not readily observed those details must be sought out or skipped over so the task can be completed. When in a learning environment this can lead to poor grades because of missing details and information to regurgitate said information. Personally, my brain doesn’t skip or jump steps well. (Sadly I was in my 30s before a dear friend taught me, patiently, to properly brush and floss. I hope no other person with EFD has to wait that long.)
Another EFD problem is initiation. I think starting something is hard for most people, however when starting something just doesn't happen because you don't know where to start as well as you don't know what is more important than other things, you just don't do anything but sit and think. I will sit and think about what needs to be done, make a list then have to walk through, mentally, every possible outcome. Then try to put my thoughts together. This time consuming process makes it hard to not see yourself as a complete failure or loser. I see it like someone handing me a tangled ball of yarn with no ends showing and asking me to unravel it. "Where do you start?" Then to top it off you don't have any idea what a ball of untangled yarn looks like so once you do figure out where to start you are not sure where to go from there.
This process has been challenging. Have I always had this? Yes, but I have not known it's name or its characteristics to learn how to adapt. I will adapt as I find more resources. Until then, I will just fill in the wholes by creating patterns I can remember and already know how to do so that I don't have to spend as much time trying to plan things out. I will seek others who know how to do things and hope they will share with me those ‘duh’ details. I will share this challenge with anyone who wants to hear so that others who struggle in silence have somewhere to go to get answers and solutions. Together we can learn.
* * * *
To my understanding EFD is mostly diagnosed in children and through resources children can learn ways to overcome this by adulthood. Personally I have not found information about this in adults although I’m sure it is a problem for more than just me. For more information on Executive function or it’s disorder please visit: Web MD or Learning Disabilities websites.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical or psychological professional. This is my personal experience and understanding of MY diagnosis. This article is not a diagnostic tool. If you would like more information or feel you are experiencing similar situations please seek professional advice. This blog and article is not to replace a professional diagnosis or treatment and is solely for informational and entertainment purposes only.
Last winter I was diagnosed with: Phonological processing problems- hearing and connecting sounds to shapes or symbols i.e. letters or notes; processing speed problems- I think slowly when learning; and Executive Functioning Problems- I don't have all the symptoms of the full disorder but I'll call it EFD anyway for short. All these things are grouped together under a title called Learning Disability: NOS. Basically meaning that I have serious trouble with these functions of the brain but not to the extent that they would give me the full disorder diagnosis.
The first two issues seldom affect my everyday life outside of a classroom but EFD can affect me every day in many ways. EFD can be tricky to explain so I would rather let the professionals explain the official definition but let's just say that it's the gate keeper for any and all information in your brain. My understanding is it is the part of the brain that tells new stimulus where to be organized, cataloged or filed. It is also the part of the brain that tells you where to go to find the information you stored and gets you started on using that information to complete activities and tasks, daily or academic. When this part doesn't work properly then learning new things or even adding new information to what you already know can be challenging. And if there isn't a clear direct connection to what you already know then it is nearly impossible to figure it out so nothing gets filed therefore nothing can be recalled.
I think of it like this. When a small child sees a black dog their parent says, "Doggie, woof." The parent says the same thing with a brown dog. This is what psychologists call Schemas. They are the organizational method children, and adults, use to categorize things in their minds so they can start to make sense of the world around them. When the child then sees a field of brown and black cows they may say that same phrase back to their parent. The parent corrects them and says, “No. Cows, moo.” The schema has been altered to fit the new information. Black and brown doesn’t make just dogs, cows can be that too. The more stimuli that goes in the more schemas are made. The schemas, or organized groupings, art to take on a structure and as children grow this structure expands. Sometimes these things are taught to children directly. Sometimes they are observed by the child then copied or organized without cognitive thought.
One problem with EFD, my problem, is that this structure has holes in it and so things get miss organized or misfiled. This makes planning things a slow pain staking process and any kind of learning becomes hard if information cannot be connected to what is already known. Take this lack of mental organization along with the slow processing speed and this can take a very long time. Think of things like making a weekly menu, grocery lists, planning your errands and trying to save gas by not driving all over town, or even planning a budget then keeping it. All these tasks require executive function to happen. All this takes mental energy and time.
I can do these things but what I do is go through every detailed step. Those “obvious” steps are not obvious to me. Remember how a child can learn things through direct instruction as well as through observation. I can do that but since I can’t see all the steps in my head to “fill in” I can’t start or complete the task without slowing down and touching on very step.
For example, take the task of brushing and flossing your teeth. Most children are shown how to brush and floss and would observe the details of how. Most would instinctively pay attention to how it felt as an adult brushed their teeth. As they grew they would not think that they had learned how to brush and floss their teeth they would just ‘know’ how to. Someone with EFD would not necessarily know to look for any of those details, or steps, so when it was time to take over doing it they would not know how to, so through frustration, would give up or inadequately complete the task.
A person with EFD would need to be told to pay attention to how the parent was doing it. Asking questions like, “Do you feel that? That’s what clean feels like.” They would also learn things in smaller bite-sized steps. So learning to brush and floss would look like this. “Get out the toothbrush and toothpaste. Put a pea sized drop of paste on top of the toothbrush. If you like, gently splash water on the brush to wet it…” Then you would go into detail of how to brush, the angle of the brush and how it should feel while and after brushing. Then repeat the many steps for flossing.
Do you see how much detail can be missed for someone with EFD? If this is not explained in an outside voice this is the long process one must often go through to learn each step to complete a task. Since the detail is not readily observed those details must be sought out or skipped over so the task can be completed. When in a learning environment this can lead to poor grades because of missing details and information to regurgitate said information. Personally, my brain doesn’t skip or jump steps well. (Sadly I was in my 30s before a dear friend taught me, patiently, to properly brush and floss. I hope no other person with EFD has to wait that long.)
Another EFD problem is initiation. I think starting something is hard for most people, however when starting something just doesn't happen because you don't know where to start as well as you don't know what is more important than other things, you just don't do anything but sit and think. I will sit and think about what needs to be done, make a list then have to walk through, mentally, every possible outcome. Then try to put my thoughts together. This time consuming process makes it hard to not see yourself as a complete failure or loser. I see it like someone handing me a tangled ball of yarn with no ends showing and asking me to unravel it. "Where do you start?" Then to top it off you don't have any idea what a ball of untangled yarn looks like so once you do figure out where to start you are not sure where to go from there.
This process has been challenging. Have I always had this? Yes, but I have not known it's name or its characteristics to learn how to adapt. I will adapt as I find more resources. Until then, I will just fill in the wholes by creating patterns I can remember and already know how to do so that I don't have to spend as much time trying to plan things out. I will seek others who know how to do things and hope they will share with me those ‘duh’ details. I will share this challenge with anyone who wants to hear so that others who struggle in silence have somewhere to go to get answers and solutions. Together we can learn.
* * * *
To my understanding EFD is mostly diagnosed in children and through resources children can learn ways to overcome this by adulthood. Personally I have not found information about this in adults although I’m sure it is a problem for more than just me. For more information on Executive function or it’s disorder please visit: Web MD or Learning Disabilities websites.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical or psychological professional. This is my personal experience and understanding of MY diagnosis. This article is not a diagnostic tool. If you would like more information or feel you are experiencing similar situations please seek professional advice. This blog and article is not to replace a professional diagnosis or treatment and is solely for informational and entertainment purposes only.